Peetie the one-legged pirate,
came stumping along down the path,
wearing his stripe-ed pajamas,
and desperately needing a bath.

Grumbling, mumbling, and grousing along,
A cloud hanging over his head,
Scowling and wearing a horrible frown,
Ever since he climbed out of his bed.

His grizzled long beard looked like lightning,
His eyebrows were tied up in knots.
Powder smoke blackened his visage,
His mustache held clumps of dried snot.

As he thundered along down the alley, 
He stepped in through several a door,
Collecting a bit at each halting,
What he needed and not a thing more.

At the barber's he purchased a razor,
At the chandler a bit of sweet soap,
The apothecary sold a toothbrush,
As he wondered "what's wrong with that bloke?"

The tailor delivered a jerkin,
Sold him pants and a pair of clean socks,
The cobbler was paid for a pair of new shoes,
And a thong to tie back his loose locks. 

Then into the bathhouse he trundled,
His horde tucked up under his arm,
Paid his two-bits for a bathtub,
In spite of the clerk's shocked alarm.

As steam rose up off of the water,
And lather built up on the top,
Grumbling that once boomed like thunder,
Now slowed to a trickle, then stopped.

Two years on the sea was forever,
No water for proper hygiene,
Had taken it's toll on his feelings,
And made him a sight to be seen.

Now scraped clean of dirt, grit, and anger,
He stepped out a brand-new made man,
And looked almost like the town dandy,
Even if somewhat lean and too tan.

Ahoy there me comrades and neighbors,
He cheerily called on his way,
Greeting each friend and acquaintance,
By wishing a fantastic day.