For three months, I’ve had a bad headache. That’s also about how long I’ve been back at SDL. It’s a challenge. I am being mentally and physically taxed being back at the grind. I felt better when I was trying to work for myself. The work is slowly killing me. The only question is whether I can adapt before it takes a permanent toll, or if it catches me before I adapt. I can’t really make everything happen that I need to without decent income aside from my retirement. As much as I loved being retired, my responsibilities don’t support that.

I have thought about trying to get on as an EMT or firefighter to cover some of the distance. I enjoy that work, even though it is demanding. But, it doesn’t pay nearly as well as doing what I’m trained to do. I’m also kinda old to reinvent myself that way. It’s better to let Isaac have that kind of position. Were I younger, and looking to start out, Fire/EMS would be high on my list. To some degree, I feel like I missed my opportunity. But that is probably looking through rose colored glasses.

I did realize over the last year that I don’t really want to do what it takes to make the business successful. That takes a kind of sacrifice I’m too old and tired to make, and dedication I no longer have. It’ll only ever be viable as a hobby, and I have plenty of those already. The only question is whether or not that gets priority. At the moment, it doesn’t. So it languishes.

I honestly just want to be retired and putter around doing things like volunteering with the fire department, working on projects, and taking care of my yard and animals. But two of those three things cost money, and with Liz going back to school I don’t have enough to make that actually work.

I believe I can survive another 10 years of working for someone else. In that window, I should be able to set things up so I don’t need the extra income anymore. If not, hopefully by then I’ll have figured out how not to have a headache every day.