I miss having time to do things like cut firewood and take care of things like basic yard maintenance. I also miss being outside the typical dramas associated with a typical work environment. I like most of the people I work with, but it only takes one person or event to ruin a full day, and there are rarely days where that doesn’t happen. I get pretty tired of it.

My health has suffered as a result. The stress has contributed to out of control blood pressure. Sleep seems inadequate. I don’t have time or energy to exercise. I rarely see my family. My blood sugar doesn’t like my current diet of gas station food. I’m tired. I’m depressed. I’m feeling pretty crappy over all. About the only time I feel decent is when I’m on a fire call and riding adrenaline (that feature isn’t new though). Adrenaline is a temporary fix with a hard post-Event crash.

Maintenance around the house and on the cars is delayed or just skipped. Projects I started a while ago languish in an incomplete state. Dishes pile up for several days in a row. Laundry goes unfolded and gets wrinkled. Commitments that aren’t financially linked sometimes aren’t met. The business I wanted to keep alive as a hobby is officially dead because I never found the time to re-register it with the state this year. The projects I had planned for the business sit half done or less. I feel like a bit of a failure. And I feel like I need a break, even though I have taken more time off this year than I have ever done before.

ugh…

I think I’ll be okay, but this sucks right now.

Too bad I couldn’t make being retired work. The saddest part is that at the end of the day, I don’t really have any more money to do what I want than I had when I wasn’t working. In fact, I feel like I have less because I don’t have time to do stupid things like sell plasma to get unaccountable fun money.